"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize