Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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