New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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