I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
