i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
