What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
