it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
