My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
