I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
