Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
