You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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