I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
