Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
