The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
