Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
