I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just cropdusted the office
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
