Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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