So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
