so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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