Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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