I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
