I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
