Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
