Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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