I love black thongs
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
