Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
