your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
