Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
