Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
