I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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