why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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