woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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