the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
