please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
