Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize