weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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