Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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