That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
