where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
