Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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