No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
