Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
