I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
