Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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