Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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