woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
