but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
