YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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