What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
