there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
