Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
