I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
