I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sext me about skeletons
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
