PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize