He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
