if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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