im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
