that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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