One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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