he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
