he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
