I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
