Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
