I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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