Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
