I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
